I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are two peas in an std pod
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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