My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
