every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
