it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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