Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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