This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
