I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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