What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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