Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
