the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
