Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
