I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
