I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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