He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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