Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
