I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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