I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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