I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
