If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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