I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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