the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
