my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm passing your future prison.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
