I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
