i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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