I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
