I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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