They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He better not be in your backpack
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
