i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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