bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
