the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
