well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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