OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MIDGETS
????
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
