I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The power of my boobs compel you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
