But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
