Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
