just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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