My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
