Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
