Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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