i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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