girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
