I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
