Girls should come with a carfax report
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
