everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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