if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
