pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
