He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
