It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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