put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
