Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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