She is in my trunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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