I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
