the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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