Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
