Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
