There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
