We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
