I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
soo... how was my night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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