just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
