she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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