Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
