There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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