google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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