Do you still have your period?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
