You can't motorboat a personality
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
