the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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