I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
