So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
