Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
