he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
