is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
